As I was walking by a convenience store this morning on my way to the grocery store to purchase my fresh vegetables, bread and fruit for my dinner and dessert tonight, I saw a man sitting on the ground. I have seen him sitting there a couple of times before and know why he is there…he has hit rock bottom and he is begging for help. He sits despondently on a rumpled, old, discarded calendar placed on the sidewalk with his head hung low as he holds out his blue ball cap, tentatively making eye contact but greeting me as I said “Good Morning” and I can tell that this man is broken as my heart goes out to him. The last time I saw him sitting there was a couple of weeks ago while with my youngest son out for a walk and we almost walked past him when I thought to myself…”this man needs your help and felt compelled to do that.” As we were almost about to walk past him I grabbed my son by the arm and turned about face and went into the store where I purchased the man a sandwich, apple and a bottle of water. The whole time I was doing this my son just smirked because he knows that I have a history of doing small things like this for people who are not as fortunate as we are. It was a very hot day and I could not in good conscious walk past this man and not acknowledge his basic right to humanity, humility, food and water.
That day as we were walking back home my son and I were discussing the man that we had seen earlier and I wondered out loud what desperation must feel like to have to beg for change in front of a convenience store? I have been down and out before trust me, I have known many hard times…but I do not think I could do what that man was doing…no matter how desperate I was and I pray that I or those around me never have to find out. I regretted not sitting down with that man on that day because I was curious about his story and who he was as a human being and what had brought him to this point? So when I saw him sitting there again this morning, wearing exactly the same dirty, dishevelled clothing and posture as the last time I knew that we had to have a conversation. I said “Good morning” as I passed him the first time with a plan in mind because I had decided that I was going to help this man…once again. I arrived at the grocery store and picked up what I needed to feed my family and purchased a few extras so that his man could potentially feed a family that I was not aware he even had yet. The way I saw it, if it was meant to be it was going to happen so I might as well be prepared.
On my way home when I came around the corner of the convenience store and he was still sitting there, I decided to take the opportunity that I had missed the last time and introduce myself as I planted myself beside him on the sidewalk. As we began talking he told me that his name is Darcy and that he has fallen on hard times as we all have at some point or another. He went on to tell me that he has 2 small children and that he suffers from bipolar disorder which is why he can’t hold down a job. He told me is sitting there today because he was just trying to make enough money to buy some groceries for his children. It was at that point that I told him that I hope that things get better for him but that he didn’t need to sit there any more for today. He looked at me sort of bewildered as I laid 3 of my 5 bags of groceries containing some fruit, breads, sandwich meat, cheese, mayo and some juice boxes to feed his family. A tear glistened in the corner of his eye at the realization of the situation as I shook his hand and began to make my way quickly before I started to cry with him. I know that I can’t save or feed the world but for today, the groceries cost $25.00 but the satisfaction of knowing that I helped someone today you can’t put a price on. I can only hope that after today his life gets easier.
With that being mentioned now its onward and upward with my “ Sunday confessional” which is not one that should shock anyone who knows me or has read my previous blogs but this one is a kind of unique and new for me, please let me know if you have experienced this or not. I believe that someone who is no longer in this realm with us has been leaving me signs in my everyday life, Hearts to be exact. Since the release of my memoir “HerStory – Victim to Victorious” and the telling of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth for the world to read I have been finding hearts EVERYWHERE! Now I’m a realistic gal and I know that hearts don’t just fall out of the sky or off of peoples asses…but my husband and I have seen them and tried to document them whenever we can…Are they really signs from beyond though? Just some coincidences of a popular shape? Or am I just looking closer? Whatever it is, it gives me comfort in who I believe is sending me these heart messages from beyond and that person would be my older brother Ken. I believe that he is finally at peace and that he is proud of me for not only telling MY Story but for telling his story as well.
My brother and I did not have a loving relationship growing up, it was brutal and violent to put it lightly and it scarred me deeply. I also know that he too was a victim of a purple sky and that his tortured soul was in desperate need of more love than anyone ever could have ever given him however I am confident in knowing that he left this world knowing he was loved and cherished, not only by me but by those around him at the time. I know that some have felt guilt over his passing but I think it’s important for them to know that the demons that he was battling inside of his mind were far too ferocious for anyone to save him. The truth has been told and May you rest in peace my brother.
I am going to share a small sampling of what I view as heart shapes that have just randomly appeared and you tell me…Supernatural or coincidence...or wishful thinking?
#HerStoryVictimToVictorious #VictoremViventem #SundayConfessional #GoodDeed #SupernaturalOrCoincidence