Now let me confess… I may appear to people looking in to have a hard exterior but that is just the mask that I have worn after years of conditioning to protect what was left of who I was. Truth be told and anyone who truly knows me will tell you that I am a highly sensitive/vulnerable individual and even though I may not show publicly what’s going on internally I am a big wuss…shhh don’t tell anyone!
With that being said, in my opinion there is a difference between being a “Mom” and a “Mother”, “Dad” and “Father” and that is where the distinction lies for me. I do also realize that at times as parents we have to be a little bit of both in order to prepare our children for real life however I specify in my mind that I am a Mom and she is my Mother. Although we do not have a relationship in any sense of the word, that does not stop me from thinking about her occasionally…and feeling guilt over her situation. I know I shouldn’t feel this guilt based on our toxic history but it does not stop the little piece at the back of my brain that holds affection for the woman that gave me life, especially today. It breaks my heart to know that I did everything I was capable of to help her and it was just not enough to pull her out of the wallow she has placed herself into. I also know people judge me for walking away from her but in my defense, a person can only handle so much before they break and I chose to walk away before I reached that point. Regardless to all of this, I DO love my Mother and wish her a wonderful day…whether she knows it or not.
On to a lighter note…I received a message first thing from my eldest son Dominique who is 22 and currently lives in Malta (which has an 8 hour time difference than me) wishing me a Happy Mom’s Day, telling me how much he loves and misses me, which instantly pulled me out of the funk that the last paragraph had put me in. What do YOU have planned for today? I plan on spending the day with the people that I love the most in my life and I’m going to predict losing a card game of “go fish."
Long and short of it I guess is this…Love and Cherish your Children no matter their age…Tomorrow is never promised. Make today a wonderful day!